"Our gifts that keep on giving are sure to make the perfect stocking stuffer any time of the year, so be sure to check out our complete line of sexually transmitted diseases. We’ve got venereal diseases for every taste and price range, so stop being a pussy and just buy it already."
"Can I get in trouble giving a disease to somebody?
Yes, so shut your mouth and don’t even tell your friends about it. Loose lips sink ships, and that goes two-fold in the flaps of her lady baffles, so don’t say a word to anybody about it and you’ll be fine.
How come when I asked the police they said it’s illegal to buy from the STD Store?
You can’t believe everything they tell you. They’re trained to lie. They also say perjury is illegal but they do it all the time. They say coercing and intimidating a witness is illegal, but they do that too. It’s illegal to download music from the internet, but you’ve done that. Did anything bad happen? It’s illegal to smoke pot but everybody does it anyway. It’s illegal to follow too close to the car in front of you or drive in the right lane except to pass. You need to get over your whole fear of authority because you won’t get anywhere acting like such a musky queef."